| Step | Meaning | Verbal Example | |------|---------|----------------| | | Listen (not waiting to talk, but truly hearing) | “Say more about that. I want to understand.” | | E | Empathize (acknowledge their emotion, not necessarily agree) | “I hear that you’re frustrated. That makes sense.” | | A | Ask (open-ended questions to guide thinking) | “What would you like to see happen here?” | | P | Paraphrase (prove you heard them) | “So if I’m hearing you right, you feel ignored. Correct?” | | S | Summarize (find common ground to move forward) | “Okay. We both agree you need an answer. Here’s what I can do.” |
How to Turn Conflict into Conversation Using Tactical Empathy Introduction: The Martial Art of the Mouth In the 1980s, Dr. George J. Thompson, a former English professor turned police officer, noticed a disturbing pattern. Highly trained officers, armed with batons, pepper spray, and firearms, were escalating street conflicts instead of defusing them. Their physical tools were for survival. But their primary tool—language—was often a liability. Verbal Judo - The Gentle Art of Persuasion
He didn’t argue. He didn’t command. He asked and paraphrased . The jumper felt heard—not as a problem, but as a person. That moment of being seen is often enough to step back from the edge. Some critics say Verbal Judo is manipulation. Thompson’s sharp rejoinder: Manipulation serves the speaker. Persuasion serves the relationship. | Step | Meaning | Verbal Example |